ned_kelly_by_x_bonez_x-d32nnj3It was a fresh Spring mornin’ with a chill in the air when I first stepped into the State Library of Victoria on Swanston Street. The kind of Spring morning that has the hairs on your arms standing on end. I’d moved from Sydney a few months earlier, looking for one more adventure before I kicked the bucket. (Yes I’ve started a bucket list and yes, I’m halfway through it already) It was November 2006, I took the tram from Docklands on my way to see Ned Kelly’s armour of course! For those that don’t know Kelly was a bushranger and outlaw, a legend in Australia convicted of three counts of willful murder and sentenced to death by hanging at Old Melbourne Gaol in 1880. He famously crafted a suit and helmet of armour to protect himself against the bullets of the law. There have been many stories written about Ned Kelly and several films too. Australia is credited with making the first feature film in 1906, nine years before America made Birth of a Nation, simply titled The Story of the Kelly Gang. Since that film a lot of actors have played Kelly. Mick Jagger of course played the bushranger on film in 1970 while Marianne Faithful (his girlfriend at the time) overdosed in a city hotel. Reg Livermore was another who thought he’d have a crack at the legendary hero with Ned Kelly the Rock Opera. It almost ended Reg’s musical career. In 2003 Heath Ledger donned the armour and did battle at Glenrowan with Geoffrey Rush in tow. So, with Ned Kelly mania swimming around in my mind, I quickly dressed and headed for the State Library which holds the famous armour, looking for adventure and looking for Kelly. The first person I noticed as I entered State Library was a guard in a uniform. Could he be related to Kelly I pondered? Probably not I decided and continued looking for Kelly. I was slightly hung over I recall so I asked him if there was a coffee shop in the building, hoping a coffee would ease my headache. At that stage there was no coffee shop so I pushed the thought of a hot coffee out of my mind and made my way up to the 5th floor on the hunt for Ned Kelly. I remember the sight of the La Trobe Reading Room stealing my breath clean away. I stood for a long time looking at the view and thinking about my journey from Sydney to Melbourne, and my journey in life from boy to manhood. I prayed under the great dome and hoped that I’d find a good job, somewhere, but where and what? I longed to find creative work. Get back into writing and directing after many years working on events and venue management. I finally found the armour shinning like a beacon as I turned a corner, Kelly’s death mask near by, eyes closed shut. I studied the mask carefully and wondered how much strength it took for Ned Kelly to fight off the law, fight for what he believed in. I wondered if he knew the outcome of that final fight in advance whether he’d have taken up the fight. Who knows…Such is life, I thought to myself.
I checkout the other exhibitions and had a coffee in Queen Victoria building when I’d finished. I remember thinking over coffee that everything about the State Library of Victoria was grand. Something I still believe today. Many month’s later, on Artshub I noticed an advertisement for a job which read… Staff Required – State Library of Victoria. Must be creative. So, I applied..over 300 people applied for work at the State Library of Victoria, something that even today staggers me. And the rest, like Ned Kelly himself…is history.
About the author: Since first sighting Kelly’s armour, Noel Anderson works flexible hours at the State Library of Victoria. His play Andy Warhol’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame will be performed in the raw at the Jewish Museum of Australia in May 2015. Noel recently co-wrote a musical called Audrey Hepburn and I Consider Our Assets and is looking for financial angels. The musical is a six year labour of love and you can find the songs on YouTube and can like the musical on Facebook.


He’s Back: Larry Bird Episode 3

Episode 3. Take No Prisoners – Written by Noel Anderson
After the operation Cherri Bomb never felt the same…sexually. Still, she can’t complain at least she still had Donald. He was her rock, as Australian as Vegemite. A strange feeling overtook her when she thought about Donald. Something unsettling, something queer!
At the same time Mr. Reynolds was relieving himself in St Kilda, across town on the northside of the Yarra River, Jackie was on a tram heading down Sydney Road. She was off to her first job interview in four years. For Jackie being a barmaid wasn’t cutting it anymore, the late nights and the hangovers were killing her! She wanted to study at The Comedy School London and needed cold hard cash for fees. A friend knows Keith who runs the school and reckons with her looks and large titties, she’d easily get reduced tuition. Jackie knew her comedy skills could do with some polishing, she’d been booed off stage many times in Melbourne…still, she had the constitution of a bull ant and was willing to do anything it takes to succeed. She’d kicked around Australia going nowhere, lately she’s been thinkin’ a lot about the good things in life, determined her sense of humour would eventually pay for a luxurious lifestyle…someday! But, first things first…Money, England and comedy tuition!
“I swear I’m not pissin’ in’ya po…pocket luv when I say that your roo…routine is fuckin’ world class!”
Keith tilted his head back, sucked on a Cuban cigar and ogled Jackie from head to toe then thought to himself…
“This chicks got a world class arse too!”
“Grateful Keith, very grateful for your sincere praise. Fancy, like that coming from the King, the King of London Comedy, I can’t freakin’ believe it. It does my head in. Honest!”
Keith smiled and flicked ash onto the shag rug while Jackie wondered why in her daydreams she always spoke with a cockney accent! While, Keith wondered why in Jackie’s daydream, he had to stutter!
“Well, d..d…deserved indeed,” Keith said holding smoke at the back of his throat. “By the way love, I la.. La…like the school uniform. Nice touch J..Jack!”
Keith exhaled blowing smoke in Jackie’s face.
Damn Jackie thought, I bet the bastard is gettin’ a hard-on.
Jesus Keith fidgeted, he was gettin’ a hard-on.
Jackie coughed…through the haze of smoke, hanging to the left of a picture of Prince William, was a large George III Gilt Mirror. Jackie studied her reflection closely, surprised to see she was decked out in public school girl uniform.
“Hello…where in hell did this come from?” she questioned in her mind. “I look like an extra from Carry On Up the Khyber.”
Keith sucked on the Cuban, silent.
FOR YOUR INFO…Jackie had penchant for Carry on movies, and has watched some films twenty times or more. Carry on Teacher is her favourite movie.
Keith quickly seized the opportunity to attack, moving in close to Jackie’s earlobe, close enough to bite it!
“Luv I see an Ol-liv-e-rgh for you someday. If you work hard,” he whispered.
“You mean Oliver? But, Keith I can’t cook. I can’t even hard boil a three-minute egg” she replied tugging at the hemline of her school skirt.
“Not Jamie Oliver, Lawrence… Lawrence…the great Shakespearean stage actor. Hamlet? You must have heard of him back in Oz. You know…the Oliver Awards are named after him?”
“You mean the Logies?”
Jackie had no idea what the hell Keith was talk in’ about so Keith gave up explaining.
Great tits, great arse but dumb as dish water Keith thought.
“Forget that…I see you sellin’ out the Palladium. Wait and see my d…dear. Maybe even to O2 Ah…Ah…Arena.”
Jackie screamed in strong Aussie strine, the O2 Arena must seat thousands of punters. She threw her arms around Keith and squeezed! “FARK” she cried again loudly in his ear just for good measure. That will teach him for being such a dirty old bastard!
Jackie’s job at Edinburgh Castle was getting her down…moving from Ballarat hadn’t been easy, her heart was sinking with every tap beer she pulled and she was over listening to aging rockers rabbit on about the 70’s and dropping acid. No, this was something different, a marketing job at Vampires, no leering men and no more tits for tips. Although, still thinkin’…she may have to offer something pro bono to get discounted tuition.
“Hold on,” Jackie thought. “I’ll cross that bridge when I cum to it!”
Vampires is a new theatre restaurant that opened in AC/DC Lane in direct competition with Dracula’s. Note: Theatre restaurants offer only the lowest form of comedy, but it’s a regular paycheck for most comedians!
Marketing wasn’t Jackie’s strong point… she might get lucky though, one of the performers might take sick, they might even die…and Vampires might need a comedian to fill. Thinkin’ more on the subject, Jackie started to get annoyed. You see girls find it tough getting gigs on the comedy circuit, it’s a man’s domain she thought…just as the tram pulled in near Flinders Lane.
Jackie grabbed a quick coffee and cheese cake at Brunetti’s on City Square. She took out her compact, checked her makeup…perfect…then headed off to do the job interview. Outside Vampires, a street tramp was playing Mozart’s Symphony Number 41 on an orange upright piano. Jackie tossed a spare coin into his tips hat and made a wish. The tramp never forgot the expression on Jackie’s face as she passed him that day. Don’t I know you?…he thought.
When the dead birds started appearing and the first comic was found murder, it was her face and expression that would haunt him.
Meanwhile, south of the Yarra in Fairview Lodge (a small block of thirteen flats) Little George was dissecting a pigeon with a very blunt kitchen knife. So, far today he’d cut up three, one was still kicking but little George didn’t care. He found if you stuck the knife straight in the gizzard of the bird the blood often squirted up like a water fountain, and he could use it as ink. Little George loved to write. He kept a tiny eye drop bottle full of pigeon blood under his pillow just for writing. He wrote using a tiny paint brush he’d found on the top shelf of the Two Dollar Shop. No one knew, not even his mum. He’d write in blood when alone at Fairview. But, sometimes when he picked up the paint brush he’d drift off, three hours would pass. He could never recall what happened in those three hours. Yesterday, something odd…yesterday when he woke up, he woke cuddling a spotted cat. The cat was from the big house on the corner with the green sliding doors. He wondered what was behind those doors. He’d often seen a girl playing there with crimped hair but hadn’t seen her for a while, not since…
The girl would stand on the road outside her house and call the cat’s name.
“Misty,” she’d shout.
And, the cat would run to her, scaling the neighbour’s fence. But, today when she called it never came… and never would, ever again. George just realised that Misty the tabby was dead. Dead in his arms.
That arvo Little George emptied the big pot plant on the back veranda and put Misty inside. He re-potted the plant and thought…I won’t think about that anymore today! And, he didn’t. His mother came home around six and watered the plant and cooked chicken parmigiana for dinner. He ate it all up, cleaning the plate with his tongue, savouring every last crumb. Little George was in bed by nine that night and sound asleep in five minutes.
Larry Bird had finally broken free from Miriam, excusing himself to go freshen up. Miriam sat finishing her muesli (apricot and almond bircher) she tried to chew it at least twenty times before swallowing. Larry sat on the toilet and did a bump of coke Rodger had dropped over. Then he saw it, a poster on the toilet door… Open Mic Night – Bad Ass Wednesday’s – Richmond. Damn it Larry, he thought to himself, give it a fuckin’ go. There was nothing to lose, this time he’d take no prisoners! What was he frightened of? By the time he’d hung up his mobile, Larry Bird was booked on the bill at Bar 59 in Swan Street. That night he dreamt he met Adam Hills and they made love in a control booth at the ABC Studios in Southbank. The entire crew on hand to watch and record. Little George was there too directing the whole scene, taking notes in blood red ink. Rodger was there also, dressed in his footy shorts and snapping shots of Larry gettin’ off surrounded by pigeons. Rodger re-posted them on Instagram, immediately. At one point the floor manager stopped filming while Larry posed suggestively holding an egg. What did it all mean?…Larry thought in his sleep. Larry didn’t know it then, but he was not going to dream again for a very long time. The next time he did Little George would be waiting for him, with a scroll, words written in pigeon blood… but, that’s much later in the story.
“Maybe I’ll make Donald a nice roast, and dress up as a Party Hostess like I use too when we first met.”
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That night he dreamt he met Adam Hills and they made love in a control booth at the ABC Studios

That night Little George dreamt he met Adam Hills and they made love in a control booth at the ABC


I Believe (In Pink) : Release Info & Scene

"The world can be a tricky place for girls like you and me"

“Everybody takes a chance looking for that big romance”

Official Video Release Date 30/03/2015
Brighton Beach, Melbourne, Australia, 1998.
Image projected – Early evening, we see a row of bathing boxes on a pristine empty beach. Audrey and Liz O’Sullivan sit gazing over the bay.

The world can be a tricky place
For girls like you and me
But you had style and you had grace
You’re all I want to be
I saw my share of gloomy days
More often then you think
What can I do when skies are grey?
(Spoken) Simple
You change grey days to pink

I believe in pink
I believe in being strong
When everything is going wrong
Let the bad times sink
This is what I think
Happy girls are pretty girls
Laughter is their key
If you’re down and need a lift
Just follow me

I believe in fate
Everybody takes a chance
Looking for that big romance
With their latest date
Will they be the mate?
Who knows when a miracle
Suddenly appears
Don’t knock hope for finding love
Give a big cheer
I / She believe in love

Frustrated with herself Liz stands and talks to Audrey.

LIZ: But, you always knew exactly what you wanted.
AUDREY: As a child, I wanted a house with a garden…
LIZ: Gardening? …you must have wanted more? Look
what you achieved.
AUDREY: I decided early just to accept life unconditionally.
LIZ: Really?
AUDREY: Really. I never expected it to do anything special for me.
LIZ: I guess that’s what made you so special though?

I believe in pink
I believe in being strong
When everything is going wrong
Let the bad times sink
This is what I think
I believe in love
Everybody needs a thrill
You can’t get it with a pill
Let nature take its course
No time for remorse
Happy times can come and go
Enjoy them while you can
Love the people and the fun
Be an Audrey fan
I believe in hope
Yesterday has come and gone
Forget the strain of struggling on
Let the good times roll?
Celebrate your soul
The future is so bright and clear
A brand new sparkling day
Take a tip from seasoned lips
Tomorrow is another day
Tomorrow is another day.

(AUDREY takes Liz’s hand sits down next to her. Liz rests her head on Audrey’s shoulder then reaches into jacket and pulls out the scrunched up page. Len rushes in dressed in pants and jacket)

LEN: Liz?
LIZ: What do you want now?
LEN: Marry me? I want you to marry me, Lizzie.
LIZ: Marriage?

(Len grabs a bunch of Flowers from Audrey’s basket and hands them to Liz. He does not see Audrey. He gets down on his one knee and takes out of his jacket a small jewellery box)

AUDREY: Oh, a ring…
LEN: It’s eighteen carat!
LIZ: Really? Well, you shouldn’t waste your money! Len, go back inside and watch TV. I’ll make eggs, sunny side up, the way you like them in the morning.
LEN: Lizzie?

(Mum, Dad and Caroline appear in several peek-a-boo windows)

MUM: I will…
DAD: You should…
CAROLINE: Sooner or later…
LIZ: What are all of you doing here?
LEN: How ‘bout it? Wanna get hitched?
(Liz starts talking to Audrey who has sat quietly watching the situation unfold.
LIZ: Hitched? (To audience)
AUDREY: Imagine?

Official Video of I Believe (In Pink) released online 30/03/2015
Produced & Directed by Noel Anderson
Performers: Sam Morley & Katie Underwood
Why not checkout this teaser while you are waiting!

Sigmund Freud In A Box?

A Raw Reading and Warhol Exhibition

A Raw Performance and Exhibition

Freud believed that life was built round tension and pleasure. Freud also believed that all tension was due to the build up of libido (sexual energy) and that all pleasure came from its discharge.
Andy Warhol
“But I always say, one’s company, two’s a crowd, and three’s a party”

Andy Warhol’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame – In The Raw
Written and Directed by Noel Anderson

Where: The Jewish Museum of Australia, Melbourne
When: Sat Night’s 2nd, 9th & 16th May 2015
Admission includes: Raw Performance and the Warhol Exhibition, Geniuses.
Bookings : http://www.trybooking.com/129490
Script Online: http://australianplays.org/script/ASC-1542
Why not checkout the trailer?

I Was A Teenage Pop Addict!

Growing up in the bad hair days of yesterday I was obsessed with everything pop. Popcorn, pop tarts and pop-u-lar music. I regularly watched Countdown on the ABC like every Australian teenager and I remember wearing the official badge of the Monkees Fan Club on my jacket as a kid. In fact I knew the words to every pop song the Monkees recorded! And, I’d run home everyday after school just to watch the repeats of Partridge Family another famous pop group with their own TV show. The first piece of pop theatre I saw was the Flintstones live on stage. Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble are the world’s most famous pop cartoon characters and I loved them. The Flintstones TV show is full of pop references and special pop-up guest appearances from stars of the day like Rock Hudson, Cary Grant and director Alfred Hitchcock.
As a teenager I loved Hitchcock. I remember watching all his movies on the big screen at the local cinema on Enmore Road in Sydney. I saw Psycho with Anthony Perkins a million times and always sat at the back with the biggest popcorn I could buy.
Strangely I also related to the world’s most famous pop artist, Andy Warhol. Under age, dressed in six-inch platform shoes to make me look older, so I thought, I remember sneaking into a Warhol film called Trash starring Joe Dallesandro, one of Warhol’s superstars. To be honest I didn’t understand one word of Trash and wondered what the hell a heroin addict was? Was that a person addicted to watching leading ladies of the silver screen? Next up at the local movie house was Andy Warhol’s Flesh for Frankenstein. Now, in my late teens I was totally delighted by the full frontal nudity and general gore that was on show. In one scene from the film Udo Kier the mad doctor rips open the guts of a young woman spread eagle on a table, and famously declares in a clipped European accent that…’a man has never lived until he has fucked life into a gall bladder.’ The doctor then straddles the girl and pumps away like a crazy, blood splattering everywhere. I remember thinking…’Golly a good fuck is a messy affair.’ Years later I wrote a play on Warhol and his life called Andy Warhol’s Fifteen Minutes Of Fame and got into NIDA on the strength of the original draft. Things have changed in the world since I was a kid playing on the footpath outside my inner city home. The world went digital, pop culture has truly gone global. This change has brought pop into every home and  everything we do. We can pop while riding a tram in Melbourne by taking out our iPhone and pushing the YouTube App. We can pop running around Hyde Park in Sydney with our iPod. We can pop while eating in New York city by flicking a switch and opening Facebook. Pop culture is everywhere…and without pop culture I wouldn’t have written my Warhol play… Without pop culture there’d be no more bad songs played at suburban weddings. Without pop culture there would be no pop stars and important to my story now, there would be no Andy Warhol.
Andy Warhol’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame is a story I felt compelled to tell. …driven by a force beyond my control at the time of writing it. It’s not a pretty tale. But, no true story is. It’s a raw and uncompromising look at what it takes to be the leading pop icon in a world gone mad.
Authors note : So what is pop culture?
Well, according to Wikipedi the term “popular culture” was coined in the 19th century. By the end of World War II the meaning of popular culture began to overlap with those of mass culture. The abbreviated form “pop” for popular, as in pop music, dates from the late 1950s. Pop is specific of something containing qualities of mass appeal.
Andy Warhol’s 15 Minutes of Fame: In The Raw
Written and directed by Noel Anderson
Where: The Jewish Museum of Australia
When: Sat Nights 2nd, 9th & 16th May 2015
Admission includes Raw Performance and Warhol Exhibition, Geniuses.
Plus, Q & A with writer/director and cast.
Only in Melbourne
Bookings : http://www.trybooking.com/129490