PRICE CHECK THE MUSICAL: WE TALK CURRY & AUSTRALIA WITH ZAYEEB DASH

In a revealing interview with Harlequin Ink Reporter and part-time comedian Larry Bird, newly appointed supermarket manager Zayeeb Dash talks candidly about food, shopping and his fetish for fruit.
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Harlequin Ink: Hi Zayeeb…first up is where were you born? And, what most do you like about living in the most livable city in the world, Melbourne?
Zayeeb: I was born in Goa which is a Portuguese colony in India, situated on the West Coast…which is why I have adopted West Coast Eagles as my footy team! Living in Oz…I like the spunky women, Footy and of course the Tram Restaurant.
Harlequin: If you could be anyone or anything what would you be?
Zayeeb: I have never wanted to be anyone but I wouldn’t mind if i woke up one day and had turned into a ripe, plump avocado.  I have a fetish for fruit and vegables you know. I would also love to be the meat between a Delta and Jessie J sandwich…that is all.
Harlequin: Okay…so you fancy yourself as a ladies man?
Zayeeb: No, not at all. But I’ve watched every season of ‘The Voice’…and, I can yodel a couple of Jimmy Barnes numbers. Did you want to hear yodel?
Harlequin. No…Now, Zayeeb this a tough one. Where is the best place to shop in town?
Zayeeb: Oh, that is tuff…Hmmm. I reckon the most beautiful food and fashion can probably, but not necessarily found on the most iconic street, in the most livable city…Springvale Rd, Glen Waverley.
Harlequin: Well, yes…I see you point!
Zayeeb: And, I see yours Harlequin…yes I do!
Harlequin: Thank you Zayeeb. Do you follow politics?
Zaybeeb: Not much, but I am fascinated why a Speedo lovin’ budgie smuggler would be allowed to run this country! Surely Aussie Bums would do a better job.
Harlequin: If you could be king for a day what is the first thing you’d do?
Zayeeb: I would definitely take all my friends on the Tram Restaurant where my cousin works. He tosses a mean fruit salad and his rum ball ain’t bad either.
Harlequin: What’s the best thing about managing a supermarket?
Zayeeb: The many perks; A gold name badge, more pay, and best of all, it’s was what I was born to do. After all, the qualities of my name as stated by the great Google are “Born Leader and Determined.” You know Harlequin Ink.. I am still trying to understand the culture of Australia. Like what is a ‘True Blue Aussie.’ This country is so big …and yet I am constantly told there is not enough to go around. Let me share for a moment, when I shared a bedroom with my 4 brothers and 5 sisters growing up, we all fitted in one bed perfectly, head to toe…and the bath water reminded us of the Ganges.
Harlequin: Musical theatre love or loathe it?
I love Musical Theatre, as I love to sing, dance and yodel. When I was at school, I yodeled the entire lead role in Mahatma Mia! And I was encouraged to yodel and audition for Goa’s Got Talent. Unfortunately this carrot didn’t make it through the first round but I did not give up my dream of being a supermarket manager.
Harlequin Ink: Anything else you’d like to tell our readers?
Zayeeb: (He ponders for a moment) No…but, I do cook a cheeky butter chicken you know!

PRICE CHECK THE MUSICAL OPENS 26TH AUGUST 6 PERFORMANCES ONLY
BOOKING NOW THEATRE WORKS
Price Check Talks Curry written by Grant Durham and Noel Anderson

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IT’S SNAP CHAT CHECKOUT CHICK NARELLE SIMS

“Shoppers! Price Check The Musical opens this Wednesday at Theatre Work in St Kilda…so stuff your trolley’s full of groceries and meet me for a cheeky catchup in aisle three” Always yours Narelle

Harlequin Ink (Noel Anderson)

Sheputs on her makeup and heads off to work. Sometimes she even paints her nails, and her legs are sore from standing all day. She is a friend to some, a widow to others…she is your local checkout chick, standing tall at the cash register making sure you haven’t accidentally tucked a frozen chicken or something under your jacket.
Snap Chat Report: Narelle Sims a real life checkout chick and one of the stars of the new Aussie stage show called Price Check The Musical.
pricecheckmusical.com.au
INTERVIEW
Harlequin Ink: Hi…first up is Narelle your real name?
Narelle: Yes of course, it’s on my chest.
Harlequin: Pardon..?
Narelle: My badge, see….it reads Narelle, right?
Harlequin: Okay…how long have you been working as a checkout chick?
Narelle: Over ten years. I started as Night-filler. Night-filler is a dog of a job. I wouldn’twish it on Tony Abbott.
Harlequin: Must be really terrible…

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IT’S SNAP CHAT CHECKOUT CHICK NARELLE SIMS

She puts on her makeup and heads off to work. Sometimes she even paints her nails, and her legs are sore from standing all day. She is a friend to some, a widow to others…she is your local checkout chick, standing tall at the cash register making sure you haven’t accidentally tucked a frozen chicken or something under your jacket. 
Snap Chat Report: Narelle Sims a real life checkout chick and one of the stars of the new Aussie stage show called Price Check The Musical.
pricecheckmusical.com.au
INTERVIEW
Harlequin Ink: Hi…first up is Narelle your real name?
Narelle: Yes of course, it’s on my chest.
Harlequin: Pardon..?
Narelle: My badge, see….it reads Narelle, right?
Harlequin: Okay…how long have you been working as a checkout chick?
Narelle: Over ten years. I started as Night-filler. Night-filler is a dog of a job. I wouldn’t wish it on Tony Abbott.
Harlequin: Must be really terrible then…Do you follow politics?
Narelle: No… I follow ‘The Bachelor.’ I can’t seem to keep my hands off toy boys.
Harlequin: What three words best describe you Narelle?
Narelle: I’m simple, I’m old haha and I’m hard-working (that’s one word right? If you put a hyphen in it?)
Harlequin: Where is the best place to get a milkshake and burger in Melbourne?
Narelle: Sometimes I go out with my girlfriends to the casino, we like a place called Merrywell! It does great burgers, and the boys that work there are pretty cute too!
Harlequin: Do your girlfriends put their handbags on the floor and dance around them?
Narelle: Harlequin? I’m no spring chicken? That’s teenage stuff.
Harlequin: Who would you love to see in your supermarket at Theatre Works?
Narelle: Any of the Neighbours cast! That Blair McDonough – he used to be on Big Brother. I remember having a bit of a crush on him!
Harlequin: Do you have any pre-work rituals?
Narelle: I like my lipstick perfect. You never know who might come in.
Harlequin: Party mixers love or loathe?
Narelle: I’m not really much of a party goer to be honest – It’s hard to meet people.
Harlequin: What’s the best book you’ve read recently?
Narelle: Sometimes I read the odd trashy romance novel!
Harlequin: Me too, who doesn’t? What would you do if you were boss?
Narelle: I Don’t know…I guess I’d give everyone a little bit of a pay rise.
Harlequin: What’s the best thing about working in your supermarket?
Narelle: Well, it’s not the hours, I can tell you that. I guess it’s the music. Yep, it’s the music.
Harlequin: If I asked you to describe Price Check The Musical in one word, what would it be?
Narelle: (smiling) Polished!
Price Check The Musical opens on the 26th August for 6 performances only.
INFO AND BOOKINGS
Snap Chat written by Belinda Hanne Reid and Noel Anderson

BUT, WHAT WOULD AUDREY DO? …FINAL AUDITIONS NOW

Final casting call for new Aussie musical at the Melba Spiegeltent. In Oct.
Casting date Sat 29th August.
Performers, men and women, do you have what it takes to be a star lke Audrey?
Contact us

Harlequin Ink (Noel Anderson)

Audrey Hepburn’s funny face graced magazines around the world. But, the question every singer or performer wants answered is: ‘What would Audrey do if she saw an audition notice in Melbourne for a new Aussie musical with a Hollywood twist.’

AUDREY INTERVIEW GET WITH IT MAGAZINE 31/07/2015

Harlequin Ink: Hello Audrey.
Audrey: Hello darling. You look simply marvelous, has anyone ever told you that? Well, they should. (She smiles)
Harlequin: Thanks for the compliment. But, the burning question everyone wants to know is what would Audrey do if she saw an audition notice for a new Aussie musical that starred you?
Audrey: Starring me? Oh, darling first I’d pour myself a martini and think about what I was going to wear to the audition. I find the colour PINK very flattering don’t you?
Harlequin: Pink? Well, actually it clashes sometimes with the colour of my…

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Larry Bird Episode 5 – The Dead Comic Mystery

The first dead comic turned up bright and early one Sunday morning in June, June 7th to be exact…dead cold in Alma Park, which is a short twenty minute tram ride from Melbourne’s CBD. A jogger in red and white shorts discovered the man’s body around 7am on his second lap of the footy oval when he stopped to tie a shoe lace.
The body was lying face down head turned towards the railway lines, curiously to the left. He had a smile on his face as if he’d died in a fit laugher. Close to the man’s head, a breath away from his silly grin, was a malurus cyaneus, commonly known a blue wren, also as dead as a donut. The bird and the man made an odd couple on the embankment that sunny winter’s morning. Looking down the jogger kicked at the bird with his running shoe just as the Sandringham train sped down the track, the breeze from the train making the dead man’s teeth chatter. The jogger did not recognise this particular species of bird at all but knew the name of the dead man immediately…he was ‘Eric Minchin.’ The jogger had caught a few of Eric’s gigs at the Comic Lounge in North Melbourne. Eric often hosted there during the International Comedy Festival. In fact most comedians workin’ Melbourne’s comedy circuit knew Eric and they all hated his guts. Often behind his back Eric was called ‘a fuckin’ big twat!’ Eric was disliked mostly because of his popularity and his constant upstaging at live gigs. Eric did not like to share the limelight.
Eric Minchin had had the kinda’ career the average Aussie comedian working the circuit longed for. It had been smooth sailin’ all the way for Eric. Not one wrong step, no stumbling either. While most comics in Melbourne struggled to put food on the table, Eric and his family were eating out at the Flower Drum… and Eric could often be found without his family dancing the night away at Eve Nightclub. Eric had a lovely wife, a beautiful child and over a two hundred and fifty thousand likes on Facebook…Fuck it, what more could any comic want? Eric was an Aussie success story, even 60 Minutes had interviewed him.
Eric also had a well paid gig on Australia’s second highest rating TV show, ‘Good Golly 5 ‘0’Clock News’ on Channel 3.
For you info…
Channel 3 is the same channel that programmes The Jailbirds. Eric did a segment on the TV show called Where Are They Now? A piss take on the short lived careers of forgotten Aussie celebrities…I guess the irony of Eric’s comedy routine and news reporting finally caught up with him. How could Eric Minchin have known last Friday when he signed off for the weekend he would make the headlines on the Channel 3 telly prompter -‘Eric (the twat) Minchin popular Australian star found dead in a ditch.’
He couldn’t have known that of course, or would anyone have guessed he’d would die in such a peculiar way sleeping like a baby next to a dead blue wren. Eric death was the start of what was to become known in the Australian media as The dead Bird Mystery – Comedy to die for!
Eric Minchin was to be Australia’s first victim.
Eric Minchin loathed by some, loved by the general public, dead at thirty eight.
Approximately Thirteen Hours Earlier….
Larry Bird was seated on backstage toilet at Bar 59 waiting nervously for his return to the Melbourne Comedy circuit. He scratched his balls and ran his routine over and over in his mind. Ten years was a long time to be off the circuit. Larry knew it too. Did he still have it?  Noble the stage Manager banged on the door.  She’d been a stage  manager longer than she’s been a lesbian and was over both roles.
“It’s ya fifteen minute call Larry. Tuck it in mate a get ready.  I can’t wait to hear your new routine. Best of luck” she shouted then under her breath added ” You’re goin’ to need it.” Noble tugged at her tight jeans and spat on the floor.
Larry flushed the toilet and stood watching the water swirl around the bowl for a moment. This was it, he dreamt about this night for a long time, over ten years or was it longer? Larry had lost track of time…and now here he was, ready for his return to the stage, finally.  Slowly he walked down the corridor turning left at the end, as he rounded the corner he could just make out the sound of another comic’s routine. The joke’s lingering in his mind blocking his creativity a little. Larry didn’t know who was performing and he didn’t care either. As Larry stood in the wings waiting, he thought about his mother and father, his life up to this point, his first kiss in the backseat of a mate’s van when he was just fifteen and he thought about the plastic bag with half gram of coke waiting in his jacket pocket.
‘No Larry don’t do the coke thing’… Larry thought.
Larry reached into his pocket and rolled the little bag between his fingers and onto his palm …just as Noble the lesbian turned the corner.
“Five minute call Larry! Christ what’s wrong with you mate?…You’re sweating like a pig”
Larry Bird was indeed sweating like a marathon runner.
“Nothing. I’m just nervous. Stage fright I guess”
“Stage fright. Well you look like shit! Pull’ya self together mate…you’re on.”
I’m on Larry said, over and over in his mind. This is it. Everything I’ve done, been through has led me to this place, this stage…this moment.
“Curtain up mate”  Noble shouted.
Larry swollowed hard and stepped out onto the stage, the stage lights blinding his view. I am home Larry thought…I’m home.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: NOEL ANDERSON completed NIDA’s Playwright Studio 1996. His written work includes: Germ Warfare (Bondi Pavilion), Kylie Kastle Throws a Party performed in schools across Australia, Sammy and Dave (Stables Theatre) and The Carer (Belvoir Street). In 2008 his play “Pulling Out” won Midsumma’s Pink Shorts at Gasworks and in 2012 his work was featured in Love Letters at the Melbourne Arts Centre. In 2013 Noel’s play Andy Warhol’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame soldout La Mama’s Courthouse, returning 2015 to the Jewish Museum of Australia with Warhol’s Geniuses Exhibition. Directing work includes: Sylvia Plaith’s Letter’s Home (Belvoir Street), Oliver (Gold Coast Performing Arts Centre), A Fitzroy Romance (La Mama), The Water Sellers (Best Director Winner Monash Festival) and Price Check The Musical (Theatre Works)
Noel is producing, directing and co-writer on a new Aussie musical called Audrey Hepburn and I Consider Our Assets which open on 29th Oct at the Melba Spiegeltent, Melbourne
BOOK NOW FOR THE 29th OCT Preview
http://www.trybooking.com/IGHH

BUT, WHAT WOULD AUDREY DO? …FINAL AUDITIONS NOW

Audrey Hepburn’s funny face graced magazines around the world. But, the question every singer or performer wants answered is: ‘What would Audrey do if she saw an audition notice in Melbourne for a new Aussie musical with a Hollywood twist.’

AUDREY INTERVIEW GET WITH IT MAGAZINE 31/07/2015

Harlequin Ink: Hello Audrey.
Audrey: Hello darling. You look simply marvelous, has anyone ever told you that? Well, they should. (She smiles)
Harlequin: Thanks for the compliment. But, the burning question everyone wants to know is what would Audrey do if she saw an audition notice for a new Aussie musical that starred you?
Audrey: Starring me? Oh, darling first I’d pour myself a martini and think about what I was going to wear to the audition. I find the colour PINK very flattering don’t you?
Harlequin: Pink? Well, actually it clashes sometimes with the colour of my eyes after a few beers…/
Audrey: Oh, dear….I find champagne wonderful, I use it as eye drops? But dear we are getting off the subject. What would Audrey do, that’s me…what would I do if I saw an audition notice for a new Aussie musical…/
Harlequin: …to be performed at the Melba Spiegeltent in October 2015 with a live band and the Grace Notes Singers…/
Audrey: Please don’t interrupt darling, I’m thinking. Honestly you are impossible. (She smiles) Now, I’ll tell you’d what I’d do if I was going to audition for Audrey Hepburn and I Consider Our Assets a musical set in Melbourne. Hold on…Are you still looking for performers? Really?
Harlequin: Yes, we are. We have several roles still to cast.
Audrey: Oh, in that case the first thing I’d do is…I’d tell my friends, so they can help me pick out what to wear to the audition. I find looking the part really helps a serious performer. Then, I’d learn my lines or song and prepare like a good actor. Then, I’d ask if there was a good looking leading man in the show. And, if he hadn’t been cast I’d suggest a few like Gregory Peck or Rock Hudson. Are you still looking for a good looking leading man?
Harlequin: Yes we are Audrey. And he must be able to sing.
Audrey: Naturally. Oh, I do like it when you curl your nose up Harlequin Ink. (She winks) Darling I do hope you find some fabulous actress to play me too?
Harlequin: We hope so too. We are trying very hard!
Audrey: Well, be a dear and try harder (She sips her martini and smiles brightly) Anyway that’s what I’d do if I saw an audition notice about an exciting musical, I’d get off the couch and just go and audition. I wouldn’t think twice. Performers must perform you know…then I’d have facial and have breakfast at Tiffany’s on Collins Street. That’s what I’d do.
Harlequin Ink: Is that it?
Audrey: Well, no Harlequin Ink, the Paris end of town is always a good idea for shopping don’t you think?

INFORMATION: ROLES STILL TO CAST
We have still to cast the following male and female roles:
Audrey Hepburn – as we know her from her films – aprrox 30 yrs plus.
Rod – The therapist and our leading man – 25 years up to 40ish with looks like a movie star.
Dad – Your typical Aussie dad – lovable and annoying 45yrs to approx 55yrs
Len – Just a bloke from Collingwood and our leading lady’s boyfriend – 30’s to 40’s.

HOW TO AUDITION FOR AUDREY HEPBURN AND I CONSIDER OUR ASSETS
Send your CV, pic and any links to Harlequin Ink: audreypopmusical@yahoo.com.au
All successful applicants will be contacted and given an audition time. A song or two from the show will be emailed to you. On the day you will be asked to read from the script and perform the prepared song. We will be auditioning at The Space on Chapel St Sat 29th  of August.
All performers offered an honorarium (A modest fee)

Director – Noel Anderson (credits include Andy Warhol’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame)
Musical Director – John Grant (credits include Carols By Candlelight)
Costume Design – Emily Barrie ( credits include the recent production of Ned)
Set Design – John Wonnacott (Andy Warhol’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame)

DISCOUNT PREVIEW TICKETS 29th OCTOBER ON SALE
BOOK NOW: http://www.trybooking.com/IGHH

Also check out our Website
http://www.audreypopmusical.com/

NOTE: Audrey Hepburn and I Consider Our Assets will be performed with a live band and a choir at the Melba Spiegeltent, Melbourne. Performance date 29th October – 7th November.
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This is an original Australian musical event!
‘Believe in Pink Melbourne’