Erotic Fiction 😎 by Noel Anderson

‘Lovers, forgive my intrusion at such an hour but I’m terribly over excited’

Is that a gun in your pocket?

My story starts here. Recently I ran a writer’s workshop with the Melbourne Writer’s Social Group looking at the success of erotic literature over decades. I didn’t know it at first, but as the workshop approached I realised I had my fair share of erotic knowledge to share. I was reminded on the day of the need to be fearless in a creative sense, and push boundaries, to challenge yourself.  However, I was surprised by the lack of support from women (only two women attended) as according to all statistics, women consume erotica at about the same rate as men. As I glanced around the room of mostly men, I wondered if a woman was presenting ‘erotic literature’ instead of a male, would men have stayed away? I guess I’ll never know. What was clear though, was the wealth of experience and imagination that could be poured into erotic stories. The stories read out loud by the men on the day were varied and original. They mostly teased more than sexually aroused, but behind each story was a personal honesty, a lot of humour and a little sadness. You could hear their heart beating under the fantasies as they read. I believe it’s a good thing for writers to purge their sexual dreams and heartache.

‘Darling, have you no modesty, do up a button…thank you, I was over heating at the sight of your exposed…elbow’

One writer on social media a few days before the workshop argued that ‘he didn’t need to know anything about the art of writing erotic fiction’. Fair enough, it may not be everyone’s cup of tea. But, I argued, no matter what you write at some point you are probably going to have to write a love/sex scene in some form, surely you want that ‘love scene’ to arouse interest?

WHAT IS EROTIC LITERATURE? Erotic literature comprises fictional and factual stories of human sexual relationships, generally with the intention to arouse the reader sexually. A common element is satire and social criticism, and sexual fantasy.

It seems that over the years every author has had a go at writing erotic fiction, probably for the money. Some famous authors include Anne Summer ‘The Joy of Sex’, Ann Rice ‘ The Claiming of Sleeping Beauty’, DH Lawrence ‘Lady Chatterley’s Lover’, Mark Twain ‘1601’ and Vladimir Nabokov ‘Lolita.’ Even Dracula by Bram Stoker was considered saucy in its day. I urge you to open it up at any page and read, you’ll be titillated for sure. A surprising addition to the long list of erotic writers is Felix Salten.

In 1906, an erotic memoir was privately published. Purportedly written by a Viennese prostitute at the end of her life, Josefine Mutzenbacher, oder Die Geschichte einer Wienerischen Dirne, it became a popular success; its now a very rare book, a first edition copy recently selling for over $6,000. The introduction to the original is signed by “the editor.” The “editor” was, in fact, the anonymous author. That author has been firmly identified as Felix Salten (pseud. of Siegmund Saltzmann), whose claim to fame is as the author of Bambi, Eine. You can bet Walt Disney had no idea of Salten’s erotic past when he turned Bambi into a family friendly motion picture.

So, what’s the difference between erotica and pornography? The best answer I found was in the Guardian. I quote – The difference between erotica and pornography is erotic is using a feather, and pornography is using the whole damn chicken.

So, why have so many good writers dabbled in writing erotica? The answer I think is as simple as this, there is real money to be made in writing erotic fiction…so lets look at the recent/most-famous erotic book, 50 Shades of Grey by British author E L James.

FACTS ABOUT 50 SHADES OF GREY –  Fifty Shades of Grey is a 2011 erotic romance novel.  It is the first installment in a trilogy that traces the deepening relationship between a college graduate, Anastasia Steele, and a young business magnate, Christian Grey. It is notable for its explicitly erotic scenes featuring elements of sexual practices involving S & M. It  was originally self published as an eBook and ‘print on demand’ rights by Vintage Books in March 2012. Fifty Shades of Grey has topped best-seller lists around the world, selling over 125 million copies worldwide by June 2015. It has been translated into 52 languages, and set a record in the United Kingdom as the fastest-selling paperback of all time. Critical reception of the book, however, has tended towards the negative, with the quality of its prose generally seen as poor.

Erotic Fiction by Noel Anderson

What do you think about censorship?

CENSORSHIP – Of course you can’t talk about writing erotic fiction without talking about censorship. In March 2012, branches of the public library in Brevard County, Florida removed copies of Fifty Shades of Grey from their shelves, with an official stating that it did not meet the selection criteria for the library and that reviews for the book had been poor. A representative for the library stated that it was due to the book’s sexual content.

One thing clear in the workshop of mostly men, was everyone had their own idea of censorship. Believe it or not, their were arguments put forward by some of the men for censorship, of certain things. One subject matter that definitely was a no go zone for writers was child erotica in any form. Even the classic book Lolita came under fire by some members of the group, so it appears that ‘erotica must come with good morals’ to be enjoyed by masses.

More facts about 50 Shades of Grey –  1. It’s classified as Mummy porn 2. The author is married with two kids to a screenwriter 3. E.L James described the books as her midlife crisis (who hasn’t had one) 4. It is the fastest selling book of all time beating the J.K. Rowling Harry Potter series 5. The books are popular with teenage girls 6. The Independent reported a 15 % increase in whips. A 60 % increase in blindfolds and a 200% increase in jiggle balls (don’t know what they are? Then, shop online😊)

About the author – Noel Anderson is featured in Breaking the Code in Oct 2018, and is currently adapting his play Sammy & Dave into a film, about two bisexual-married men who rendezvous for a one night stand. Based on a true story. View the promo trailer on FB.

Sammy and Dave on Facebook

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A Bullet to the Head

Fabiana Weiner as Edie Fabiana Weiner as Edie

Extract from Andy Warhol’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame
By Noel Anderson

EDIE SCREEN TEST

WOMAN 1 enters with dark glasses, smoking and drinking. A director’s chair with star written on the back is on Stage.

WOMAN 1: Hi. I’m Andy’s it-girl. Where should I sit? Andy?

No one answers. She smokes and drinks.WOMAN 1: Okay. Screen-test. Sedgwick. Nov 16th. Andy’s factory. Action

SOUND OF CAMERA ROLLING.

WOMAN 1: Talk. Hmmm, I’d like to discuss on camera, a bullet to the head. Now, if you took a bullet to the brain would, or would you not, be conscious of being shot? I say you would not be conscious, because the damage happens very fucking fast, too fast for your brain to realize it’s been hit. I don’t know this for a fact because it isn’t really my thing, I’m not a gun crazy kinda girl, my thing is really suicide. Accidental suicide! Of course there are many ways to die, hanging is one, the electric chair is another, and a bullet is another again. Not all deaths are accidents though! That’s why you hire a wound–ballistics-expert, that’s when you’re an expert on gunshot wounds to the body. Right! That’s right, right? Andy? Andy’s not talking anymore today. Oh, is that right? Come out from behind that camera Andy! Come out come out wherever you are!

She takes out a small bag of pills.

WOMAN 1: Left? No. I’m his voice from now on, yes. I do all the TV interviews and the talk shows…whatever… Turn to the camera, right? Red light on! So, where was I then, bullets…if you should happen to take a bullet say while shopping at Tiffany’s, then you have, and this is important, about a 50/50 chance of surviving. Not everyone dies from fucking head injuries no matter how badly shot. So, killing people, shooting them dead, may not be the answer because they might live anyway. I’d try and talk to them first. Try a little kindness. Andy agrees, don’t you? But, it also import…important to note a bullet wound will not necessarily damage consciousness. That’s the point I’m trying to make on the show tonight. Like if I was a soldier, at war, Vietnam, right? And, I was shot. Well, head wounds are not necessarily good to get, are they? I’ve studied this.. I’ve been in lots of hospitals! It’s not good to get shot because it just fucks up your day (She laughs) Okay, I nursed my brother when he died, suicide, and I did read a book on combat fatalities. I found it lying on the Factory floor. The cat had pissed on it. (She laughs) Gee, that lights getting bright? Can we turn one off? Andy? Andy? Can we turn one down? He’s not talking I forgot. Dumb me. I…it’s worth remembering…remembering that trauma…that trauma can happen to anybody. Blood loss is a key…is the key. (She laughs) Did you know…we have 6 litres of blood, the internal artery clears about a quarter of a litre per minute, and in stressful situation, like, being shot, or squeezing into a size ten dress, then that output can double. If we lose just 20% of our blood, then we lose consciousness. Amazing…but, I’ve got to stop rolling, I mean filming because I’m not feeling so well, well informed. My head is fragmented, like someone has pushed a missile through and out the other side. What’s happening? Can we dim the studio lights – please? Andy I think I need a neurosurgeon and some fucking “digital palpation” What do you mean Ms Sedgwick anything wrong?

She stands shaking.

WOMAN 1: Wrong? Jesus Christ, it’s a complicated, man. It’s a medical term for sticking your fingers in and wiggling them about. Stop the camera. Please stop the fucking camera. Where’s the audience? I’m sorry my skull just shattered. Applause!

She falls to the floor.

WOMAN 1: Golly Edie. What about a Kronlien shot to the head? I don’t know what you mean, sir. Can’t you see I’m shutting down. What do you mean it’s the shot that splits open the skull…but neatly ejects the whole brain on the ground like a neat pile of dog shit. Bright! Bright!

She takes a handful of pills and drinks.

WOMAN 1: Ciao Manhattan, I’m shutting down. I’m done. No really…I’m done. Cut. Turn off the camera. Consciousness before death… it’s simply not guaranteed.

She slumps back in the chair, and drops a bottle of pills on the floor.

http://australianplays.org/script/ASC-1542

ANDY WARHOL’S FIFTEEN MINUTES OF FAME : SCRIPT AVAILABLE ONLINE

Larry Bird Episode 4 – Meet Bill from Alma Park!

The Unofficial Death of Larry Bird
Episode 4. The Art of Comedy – written by Noel Anderson
RECAP: END OF EPISODE THREE
Larry didn’t know it then, but he was not going to dream again for a very long time. The next time he did Little George would be waiting for him, with a scroll, words written in pigeon blood.
LARRY BIRD CONTINUES…
Alma Park was quiet when Bill arrived with his companion. They’d been coming there for sometime now, Bill usually stretched a bit then went for a run. Bill had stumbled upon Felicity on that day, the day he did three laps of the oval, the day he’d stopped to leak under a gum tree near the railway tracks.
Bill liked pissing out open for people to see. It made him feel rebellious and almost human. He remembered Felicity pretended not to notice him urinating and he decided, when they connected later that day, not to mention it either. Bill had never really had a girlfriend before….before he met Felicity. His companion, Frank (a mean old codger) never let him out of sight long enough to find one, even in Alma Park. It was damn annoying, Bill thought, to always be at someone’s beck and call… But that day, months ago, the day that old Frank had dozed off for the first time ever, Bill was able to strike up his third eye and connect.  At first Felicity didn’t want to fuse and blocked Bill’s vibrations but with a little mental probing from Bill, she eventually gave way…and they merged, weak but united.
“Let me in.” Bill whispered shaking his tail.
“No. Stay where you are” Felicity had said.
“Let me in E…Eli…Elicity.” Bill continued, almost begging, his nose wet.
The connection was bad, but clearing…
“How did you know my name Frank?” Felicity asked.
“How do you know…my….mine” Bill growled back.
“I don’t know…I just do. A woman never questions these things”
“I see. Well, how do I say this… ?”
“Say what?” she beckoned without once moving her lips.
Okay. I’ll give it to her straight, Bill thought…
He’s goanna give it to me straight I bet, what a bloody wanker, felicity thought…
“By the way…for your information” he corrected sharply. “I’m not Frank. Just letting you know. That’s not my name.”
“Well, B.T.W for your info…my name is actually Felicity, not Elicity. Your connection is weak. In fact it’s fucked. Goodbye Bill. Don’t ring me again okay.” Felicity quipped and immediately blanked him out. A bell rang out in Bill’s inner ear when Felicity blocked him…ding-a-ling it went…then Bill heard…”have a good day!” The connection went stone-dead. The connection was only brief but Bill had grown to trust his inner eye and felt he could also trust Felicity. The connection was deeper than Bill thought possible with a human too. He had barked when they connected and vibrated, while Felicity shook uncontrollably and blushed bright pink! An image had appeared in both their inner minds. What was it they saw? Something odd? Something about dead birds. And, there was a note too!  It was no use trying to bring it back, Bill thought, and rolled onto his back…once the connection goes, it’s gone…until the next time.
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‘The park was empty today’…that thought came from somewhere at the back of Frank’s skull.
‘Where was Felicity’…Bill wondered?
Frank pulled a small checkered blanket out of his backpack and placed it on top of the dry summer grass, feeling around the edges, he flattened the corners with his fingers. Next, Frank took a silver flask of black sweetened green tea from the pack and sat squarely on the blanket. He sipped the tea seeing nothing but hearing every little sound in the surrounding parkland. Frank had exceptional hearing for an old fella. Frank unleashed Bill and let him run free. Alma Park was more often than not full of couples walking their beasts (as Bill liked to refer to any animal walking with their master)… today however was different. Today there was next to no beasts frolicking in the park. There were also hardly any people. And, there was certainly no Felicity.
Frank put aside his cane and took out some sunscreen lotion. He sat rubbing the lotion deep into his burnt skin.
“Bill! Listen up boy” Frank shouted as the lotion melted into the cracks on Frank’s face.
“Bill don’t you stray too far from me, you hear boy?” Bill heard Frank alright as clear as a bell, but decided to ignore him.
“Shut the fuck up Frank, you silly old fart!” Bill barked back wagging his tail, running off towards the playground.
Bill knew there wasn’t much Frank could do without him anyway. Frank was as blind as a bat!
“I wish you’d start behaving like a bloody Labrador Retriever” Frank shouted at Bill, “And stop thinking your some fancy Spotted Dalmatian?
“Never Frank, you silly old bastard…I’ll never be happy as a Retriever, your servant, never!” Bill barked back.
Now where, in God’s name was Felicity?
ACROSS MELBOURNE THAT NIGHT…
Miriam sat stuffing handfulls of popcorn into her mouth, fidgeting and watching a repeats of Jail Birds on TV. She thoughts a lot that night, dirty thoughts, rooting thoughts, about Larry Bird…And, two of the other waiters at Ms Jackson’s that she fancied like hell. Miriam thought so hard, she finished all the popcorn in 10 seconds flat and sat masturbating on the lounge and feeling hungry.
In Carlton, Rodger was kneeling on his bed, ear to the wall, listening to his ex-partner, Abigail, moaning through a three-way in the next room. Rodger said the Lord’s Prayer softly to himself and prayed Abigail didn’t take too long to cum…he knew from experience she could take hours. Besides, he had footy training first thing in he morning and wanted to wake up feeling fresh!
In her South Melbourne flat, Cherrie Bomb had a bright idea! “Maybe I’ll make Donald a nice roast, and dress up as a Party Hostess like I use too when we first met.” Why hadn’t she thought of it earlier? She’d wear her brand new Miley Cyrus pink lipstick she picked up at Big W…and, after the pork roast, do a bit of twerking, maybe twerk to Susie Quatro’s Devil Gate Drive. Cherrie loved that song. And, Donald will love it too! Probably wet his pants…she hoped!
So, Cherri Bomb said goodbye to Jail Birds, switching off the TV and dashed to the shower.
Rule number 1 of twerking: Always have a clean vagina…just in case there was some action!
Jackie stepped defiantly out of the bottle shop on the corner of Sydney Road and William Street, holding a bottle of Moet wrapped tightly in a brown paper bag. She was in the mood for celebration…she got the job at Vampires Theatre Restaurant and could finally give the Edinburgh the flick. She sat on the edge of the gutter, popped the cork and took a long swig. Moet had never tasted soooo…good!
Back in Carlton, Rodger had given up waiting for Abigail to cum…if she couldn’t then he could, and did…
“Wow that was smooth” he thought. Now, with that out of the way, Rodger drifted off into a deep sleep.
Alone in his flat in St Kilda, Larry slipped on his glasses, fired up his Samsung laptop and opened the file marked…
THE ART OF COMEDY by Larry Bird.
Jesus, Larry you haven’t looked at this file in over…I don’t know… ten years, or was it longer…he thought. Larry couldn’t remember, too many parties in the 90’s…or was it the 80’s. He flicked through his writing, man what a lot of shit…he thought, but was any of it good?
Larry hadn’t given comedy a thought since…well, since that day, the day in the park. But, something inside him was saying that Melbourne was ready for his return to stage and the comedy circuit.
Larry still had the dream, buried under all the booze and drugs of his youth, to be Australia’s King of Fuckin’ Comedy… and kick Graham Kennedy off the fuckin’ throne.
“Fark” Larry said to himself, no one heard him…the dreams still bloody there! After all this fuckin’ time!
Larry knew the time was right, the moment was now…this time Larry, he corrected himself in his mind, Larry J Bird…don’t fuck everything up!
EPISODE 5. PREVIEW LINE
“Someone left a dead pigeon in the fuckin’ flat, and some comedian just died…literally. And, I’m not being funny.”
LIKE LARRY BIRD ON FACEBOOK
https://www.facebook.com/larrybird123

Andy Warhol’s Fifteen Minutes ofFrame: In the Raw 
Written & Directed by Noel Anderson
Jewish Museum of Australia
“An artist is somebody who produces things that people don’t need to have” – Andy Warhol
Continues on 9th, 16th May 2015
Bookings: http://www.trybooking.com/129490

Albert Einstein in a box?

Albert Einstein in a box?

Andy Warhol In The Raw: The Complete Picture

In January 2013 Noel Anderson’s provocative play Andy Warhol’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame sold out at La Mama Courthouse, Melbourne. Fast forward to 2015, Andy’s back, this time he is taking over Saturday Nights at the Jewish Museum of Australia.
Admission includes: The Raw Reading & performance plus viewing of the Warhol Exhibition, Geniuses. Warhol’s life and art under one roof with an especially reworked script by Noel Anderson for the occasion. This is the complete picture of Andy Warhol, the man and his art.
Anderson’s obsession with Warhol began when he was completing a writing course at NIDA.
“I wanted to write about fame and success and as I started to research Andy Warhol I realised he had a lot of things I really admired,” he says. “The more I wrote the more interested I got and it became almost like an obsession.”
In the era of Facebook, YouTube and short-lived overnight sensations, everyone is clamouring for their 15 minutes of notoriety more today, than when Andy ruled the world back in the 60’s and 70’s. Andy Warhol’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame charts the artist’s struggle for success and descent into madness by his hand-picked superstar, Valerie Solanas.
Andy Warhol’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame – In The Raw
Written and Directed by Noel Anderson

Where: The Jewish Museum of Australia, Melbourne
When: Sat Nights in May – 2nd, 9th and 16th
Admission includes: Raw Performance and the Warhol Exhibition, Geniuses.
Plus, Q & A with director/writer and cast.
Price: Adult $30 Concession $25
Bookings : http://www.trybooking.com/129490
Script Online: http://australianplays.org/script/ASC-1542

Albert Einstein in a box?

Albert Einstein in a box?

Superstars Wanted for Raw Performance?

Have you got what it takes to be part of Andy Warhol’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame on a Saturday night in May? If you’re a Superstar performer/actor then writer & director Noel Anderson wants to hear from you!
After a sellout season at La Mama Courthouse in 2013 Andy Warhol’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame is back in Melbourne. Andy is taking over the Jewish Museum of Australia for a special event….and bringing his famous art work too.
THE FORMAT
The evening consists of an audience viewing of the Warhol Exhibition Geniuses and then the Raw Reading & peformance of the play Andy Warhol’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame in the Warhol Now Gallery. Art & Performance on Warhol together. The script has been especially reworked for the Raw performance at the Jewish Museum with surprise moments directed by Noel Anderson.
The evening concludes with a Q & A with writer & director Noel Anderson, Josh Futcher as Andy Warhol and the cast.
If you think you have what it takes to be a Warhol Superstar for one night then forward your CV, photo and contact details to: audreypopmusical@yahoo.com.au
In the email tell us why you have what it takes to be a Warhol Superstar!
Note: All actors must be 26 years old and upwards. All ages over 26 years considered.
Applicants if successful will be contacted in mid April!
A Fee is paid on the night to the chosen performer.
For Script extract click Australian Plays org link.
Remember to LIKE Andy Warhol’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame: In the Raw on Facebook.
http://australianplays.org/script/ASC-1542
BOOKINGS: http://www.trybooking.com/129490

Noel Anderson’s Melbourne from my iPhone

Technology is not my thing okay.
I’m one of those dudes that is last to do everything!
Last to get a mobile, last to get a computer and last in line at the supermarket.
But, in the past decade the world around me changed…it went digital. So, I ended up buying an Apple iPhone and in doing so I instantly joined millions of tech savvy snappers around the globe. Since I purchased my iPhone, on an expensive two-year plan I might add, I’ve taken hundreds of pictures…and I’m not afraid to snap a selfie too.
In fact, I have documented the entire last five years of my life in Melbourne with my iPhone.
“One day” I thought to myself a while back…”I’m going to do something with all of these pictures.”
So, here it is…the start of my project, the world around me through the lens of my iPhone!
Life in Australia as I see it, through my eyes only, in the city of Melbourne.
Every image recorded by me with my Apple iPhone…even shameless selfies.
This first set of published photos is about mood, about feelings I had when I first moved to Melbourne. It’s an impression of my yesterday…of a creative city that never fails to inspire.
Welcome to my view of Melbourne from my iPhone.
PS. …maybe you’ll find a laneway you’ve never travelled before…

PART ONE: YESTERDAY

I saw an alley in Melbourne. When I went down it there was no pot of gold. I was disappointed.


THREE STRIKES
I saw an alley in Melbourne. When I went down it there was no pot of gold. I was disappointed.


The candy man can because he mixes it with love and makes the world taste good


The Trouble with Harry
The candy man can because he mixes it with love


Then I thought, look around and listen, maybe there is something to be learnt!


The People Next Door
Then I thought, look around and listen, maybe there is something to be learnt?


People with blue eyes are best at pretending to be happy during hard times


The Getting of Wisdom
People with grey eyes are best at pretending to be happy during hard times


Every day my life forces mt to add another person to the list of people who can kiss my fucking ass...


Dead or Alive
Every day my life forces me to add another person to the list of people who can kiss my fucking ass…


Everybody must have a fantasy


Stage Right
Everybody must have a fantasy…but why isn’t his fantasy fish and chips?


To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist.


The Hive
To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people just exist.


Confide in Me


Distant Body
I was addicted to the Hokey Pokey but then I turned myself around


Let it go! Let it Go!


Legs Eleven Bingo
Let go! Let it Go!


During our conversation I started to suspect that this was the start of a new friendship


Under the Clocks
During our conversation I started to suspect that this was the start of a new friendship

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NOEL ANDERSON’S MELBOURNE FROM MY iPHONE
About the author: Noel Anderson works flexible hours at the State Library of Victoria. His play Andy Warhol’s Fifteen Minutes of Fame will be performed in the raw at the Jewish Museum of Australia Saturday nights in May 2015 alongside the Warhol exhibition, Geniuses. Noel recently co-wrote a musical called Audrey Hepburn and I Consider Our Assets and is looking for financial angels. The musical is a six-year labour of love and you can find the songs on YouTube and can like the musical on Facebook. Why not checkout his online web series: Larry Bird: Comedy to die for!
http://www.jewishmuseum.com.au
http://australianplays.org/script/ASC-1542
http://www.facebook.com/larrybird123

1. Gertrude Stein Inside a box?

Singing in the ran

TIME CAPSULE – GERTRUDE STEIN


Andy Warhol’s 15 Minutes of Fame
Written and directed by Noel Anderson
Admission includes Raw Performance & Exhibition
The Jewish Museum of Australia
Sat Nights in May 2015
Only in Melbourne
Bookings: info@jewishmuseum.com.au or (03) 8534 3600
Script online: http://australianplays.org/script/ASC-1542