Stage Fright or ‘I’ll have eggs with that!

I’m never short on words but …

I am not someone who is ever short for words but recently at a performance of Love Kills 2017, currently playing in Collingwood, I had a minute or two when my mind emptied like a can of baked beans over a hot saucepan. I tried thinking hard but there was nothing but black! Naturally I bumbled on pretending to talk to Kylie Minogue, which seemed to go down alright but didn’t pull me out of the jam or the blankness of my mind. So, I tried cracking a few jokes about bisexuality (always goes down a treat) and generally shamelessly showing off until, at last the my script ‘Confide in Me’ magically popped back into my head. I remember thinking at the time, in those few minutes, as I looked into the audiences smiling faces, ‘Oh God, this what they came for, a live experience and I am givin’ it to them in abundance’.

I’ll take this moment to thank everyone who sent me private messages praising the show, the acting, the writing and my direction, I really appreciate everyone’s blessing.

Cinema of cause is all planned, but not live theatre, anything can happen.  The very nature of doing a live show is that the audience in general are rooting for you and I counted on that.  Recently at an MTC show I went to see, Colin Friels had to ask for a prompt several times, so it can happen to the best of’em.

However thinking back, somewhere in my speech about ‘vaginas and penises’ (I’m all class) I got loss in my own fantasy and started constructing a new ending to my very own work, then when I realised what I was doing blocked it. Stage fright or stage block? Not sure… I went home after the performance, stripped off and jumped in bed and pondered what would have happened had I just let my imagination continue. Where would my improvised ‘tale of love’ have ended? Would it still have the same meaning? And more importantly would the audience have enjoyed the new improvised script with me free falling, more than the scripted one?

The next morning I got up and  had bacon and eggs for breakfast, with beans, still thinking about that moment when I realised I’d fallen into my own storyline, just like Alice does, in Alice in Wonderland, a dreamtime state where anything could have happen…if only I had trusted more. But, of course I didn’t and I don’t. Trust is something that sadly disappears at the end of relationships also.

Leading a company of players and putting on a show where you play four roles director/writer/producer/performer is not the easiest job in the world, you get tired and at times you just want to go to sleep, curl up. But, of course you can’t, much like the last days of a relationship, you sense a battle is nearing, and the only thing you can think to do is…JUMP!

The cast for Love Kills 2017 features Caroline Ferguson (direct from La Mama’s 2017 hit The Privatization of Ward 9B), Graham Murray (Glitch 2 & Miss Fisher Murder Mysteries), Carissa McAllen (Paper Giants: Magazine Wars), Stephanie Osztreicher, Lourdes Zamanillo, Ros Lewis, Geoff Stuart (Melb Writer’s Social Group) and Noel Anderson performing his Kylie Minogue pop inspired breakup piece ‘Confide in Me.’

Love Kills 2017 is on until the 23rd September.

Tickets via or (03) 9660 9666

Love Kills 2017 only at Melb Fringe

Love Kills 2017 – Caz Reitop’s Dirty Secrets (best venue winner) – 80 Smith St, Collingwood. 14th – 23rd Sept, 2017. Performance Times: Wed – Thurs 7pm, Friday 6pm, Sat 5.30pm.  Seven performances only (bookings essential) 14th Sept Preview $20 / all other performances $25. Warning adult themes and strong language.

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Interviews & Contact Info: or (03) 90770781 (leave a message)