A REAL MAN
Script Extract & Song Lyrics
From Audrey Hepburn and I Consider Our Assets

The Characters: Rod is a therapist who looks like film star Rock Hudson and Liz O’Sullivan is his patient from Glen Huntley, Melbourne… obsessed with Audrey Hepburn

ROD: What do you mean – when you say you have this ‘idea’ of yourself?

LIZ: I don’t know …it’s just an idea of who I should be! And, what I deserve.

ROD: I hear expectation Lizzie?

LIZ: Of course you do Rod. That’s because you’re a man, and I’m a woman! What woman worth her weight in gold doesn’t have expectations?

ROD: Expectations can work for a woman as long as she’s exceptional. Are you exceptional?

LIZ: … I’m working on it!

ROD: Good. Shall we dance Ms O’Sullivan?

LIZ: Oh, fiddle-dee-dee Rod, of course we should, a girl doesn’t dress
up like this just for chatter!

(LIZ and the ROD dance. During the dance she tries to embrace him but he moves away disappearing in the darkness. LIZ stands lost for a moment on stage . Suddenly, another man takes Rod’s place. The music changes, LIZ pulls away. Frightened, LIZ calls Rod’s name several times. A new man emerges from the dark; he throws her down, he bears down on her. She braces herself but suddenly…he walks away. LIZ stands up and sings as she does her BEDROOM SET is moved onto the stage )

SONG: WHERE WILL I FIND A REAL MAN?

LIZ
I need to throw off the stereo- type
Find someone who’s suited to me
Forget all the comments and words of advice
Find someone who’s worldly and free

So
Where will I find a real man
With Laughter and song in his eyes
Who doesn’t keep trying to change me
Or want me to wear a disguise

Where will I find a real man
Who loves me for just being me
Regardless of what I am wearing
Black strapless or T-shirt and jeans

Somewhere there must be a real man
Who cherishes all that I am
Who values the diff’rence between us
And gives all the love that he can

(A door opens in the large movie screen and Rod steps out. Slowly his OFFICE SET is moved alongside LIZ’S BEDROOM SET. Rod goes to the water fountain and gets a drink. He locks his office door and takes off his jacket. LIZ watches Rod in the darkness.

LIZ
Have I dreamed to long
For my soul mate to appear?
Could I tolerate his faults
Would he understand my fear?

He walks to the cupboard and opens the left side door. We see inside the cupboard door is an AUDREY HEPBURN HEADSHOT in a picture frame. He places the picture on his desk. He hangs up his jacket. Audrey steps into the light, dressed similar to her character in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. She watches the action.

LIZ
Where will I find a real man
Someone who cares about me
Who likes me for what I am wearing
In strapless or just dungaree

Somewhere there must be a real man
Who cherishes all that I am
Who values the diff’rence between us
And gives me the love that he can

(Liz makes her way slowly towards the Psychiatrist’s couch.)

ROD: What are you doing here…?

LIZ: (Looking up at ROD and smiling) Rock Hudson eh?

The Clock clicks over to 1.50pm.

(LIZ AND ROD DANCE)

ROD & LIZ:
So
Where will I find a real man
A man who is willing to be

LIZ
My partner

ROD
My lover, my equal

LIZ
And doesn’t feel threatened by me
Where will I find a real man
Someone who cares about me
Who likes me for what I am wearing

ROD
Black strapless or T-shirt and jeans

ROD & LIZ
Somewhere there must be a real man

LIZ
Who cherishes all that I am

ROD
Who values the diff’rence between us

ROD & LIZ
And gives me the love that he can
And gives all the love that he can

LIZ
I need to throw off the stereo- type
Find someone who’s suited to me

Extract from the new musical Audrey Hepburn And I Consider Our Assets
A Real Man Music video Released on 13th August 2014 – Song performed by Katie Underwood